Donald Trump has managed to spectacularly out-Trump himself this week, calling for the banning of all foreign Muslims from entering the United States, at least until we can “figure out what the hell is going on!” Trust us Donald, we’ve all been working on that since you announced your candidacy.   Once again the bigoted loudmouth has hijacked election coverage and ensured that everyone is talking about Trump 2016. This is understandable – his proposals are deeply offensive and provide propaganda fodder for ISIS’s campaign of hate whilst undermining everything America stands for.

But what this latest media frenzy mustn’t do is distract us from the sobering reality of the alternatives we are left with when Trump’s campaign finally dies. Lest we forget, the crazy buck does not stop at the feet of Donald Trump. Those lurking in the wings (and catching up with Trump in the polls) are barely more palatable…

Roll up, roll up ladies and gentleman to see the wonder that is Ben Carson: the dumbest doctor who ever lived. There is a poetic irony to Carson in that he is a gifted neurosurgeon but, alas, is not able to perform the procedures on himself that his brain so clearly requires. He does talk in a slow, confused drawl that suggests he may have let a medical student or two have a tinker in there though (are lunchtime lobotomies a thing?). Carson checks all of the usual Republican credentials: pro-gun, anti-abortion, distrustful of government… etc. But he also brings a special brand of idiocy to the race that separates him from the herd, endearingly known as ‘Carson logic’.

A taster: Pyramids of Giza? Why they were built by Joseph to store grain!

The Holocaust? Never would have happened if the Jews had access to firearms.

A tour of Carson’s Maryland mansion revealed a number of questionable home décor choices. Proudly adorning one wall is this portrait of Carson with a beaming Jesus Christ, inexplicably dressed in a white bathrobe, hand lovingly placed on the Doctor’s shoulder. In another part of the house biblical passages have been engraved on the walls, including one apparently quoted from “poverbs 22:4”. Not to be pedantic but if you’re going to have something carved into the very structure of your house maybe run it by spell-check first? Or cover it with a painting of you playing beer pong with the disciples or something, at least before inviting the photographers in.

Hot on the heels of these two clowns is Ted Cruz, former darling of the Tea Party and current nightmare for the Republican establishment. With right-wing views that would make your grandma uncomfortable, the Texas Senator has a reputation for being one of the most disliked figures in Congress. His old college roommate says he would rather pick someone from the phonebook to be president than have Cruz fill the role. Even George W. Bush, a man who is no stranger to courting hate and who has been otherwise diplomatic about this year’s candidates said of Cruz, “I just don’t like that guy.” Cruz is an example of the new class of Republicans whose sole aim is to repeal everything Obama has done, without presenting any viable alternatives. If he does become president one imagines we just present him with a shredder and leave him to it. Goodbye progress! Nice knowing ya, hope!

Remember Mitt Romney? ‘Too boring!’ we moaned. ‘What a flip-flopper!’ they cried. How spoiled we were. One feels positively nostalgic for the days when our main gripes revolved around a disturbingly chirpy Mormon with too many relatives. This election season it’s important to keep in mind that Trump is not the only terrifying prospect for the White House gaining support, and the businessman’s eventual demise will not necessarily signal a return to serious politics.

Trump wont last. The Republicans’ flirtation with anti-establishment lunatics will.

 

Header image by DonkeyHotey via Flickr.